Groan .... You wiped the smile off the face of King Carp's dog!

Lord help us

Once upon a time, there was a king, who ruled a small kingdom.
He ruled with an iron fist, and was despised by his subjects.
His hobby was collecting thrones, he had acquired many thrones from around the world.
On day his subjects rebelled and banished him to a small island. They wanted nothing to remind them of his terrible rule, and sent his few loyal servants and his thrones with him in exile.
His servants built him a large two story grass hut, and stowed his throne collection in the top floor. One day the grass hut collapsed from the weight of the thrones and killed the king.
The moral of this story is, people who live in grass houses, should not stow thrones. Groan on!

The local bar was so sure its bartender was the strongest around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.  The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.  Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time, including professional wrestlers and bodybuilders, but nobody could do it.

One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing a tie and a pair of pants hiked up past his belly button.

He said in a squeaky annoying voice, "I'd like to try the bet."  Even the hillbilly chick burst into laughter.  After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "Ok," grabbed a lemon and squeezed away.

He then handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.  But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.  As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living?  Are you a lumberjack, weightlifter, or what?"

The man replied, "I work for the IRS."

A father took his two sons - 5 and 3 years old out to the diner for a bite to eat.  The pretty young waitress asked the 5 year old "what will you have sugar?"  The 5 year old slapped his leg and replied "I'll have a God dammed cheeseburger!"  The old man back handed the boy and knocked him out of the chair... so the waitress tried to cover up really quick and turned to the 3 year old:  "Well, what are you gonna have, Sweetness?"  To which the 3 year old replied:  "You bet yer sweet ass I ain't gonna order no God dammed Cheeseburger!"